first paper

An Adolescent’s Struggle to Reality

I have only just awakened from my childhood dream, and most of the time I want to fall back asleep. I would love to look down from the top of the mountain at everything below me, and to see everything I’ve overcome in fine detail. Many of the struggles and obstacles I have experienced through ski racing relate to the topics discussed in the readings about man’s journeys.

I was born a dare devil, and it only seemed right to channel my high levels of energy into a sport such as ski racing. From the beginning of my skiing career I had to be the best. By age five I was tucking down hills on roller blades, flipping my bike off the dock into the lake, and playing on an all boys soccer team. I felt invincible, and I wasn’t going to let anyone stand in the way of reaching the top of my mountain - not even myself.

Shortly after my nineteenth birthday I was invited onto the Western Region Ski Team, a development team for the United States Olympic Team. I felt like all my hard work was finally coming full circle, but I was risking my life each time I pushed out of the start gate onto perilous downhill courses. Skiing was an obsession that I could not live without. I was addicted to the adrenaline that pumped though my veins, and wrapped in a dream world full of parties, traveling, and exciting people. Some athletes never have to escape this surreal lifestyle. I was not one of them. Last February I underwent my third knee surgery which marked the end of my life as a ski racer. It also seemed to me like the end of my identity. All of my previous injuries felt like flaws I had to overcome and destroy. I never backed down and foolishly disregarded broken collar bones, ribs, concussions, herniated discs, and concerned warnings from my peers.

I would give anything to return to a place where I feel safe, untouchable, and complete again. Author Wallace Stevens described this place as one where he would, “be complete in an unexplained completion, the exact rock where his inexactness would discover at last the view toward which they had edged, where he could lie and, gazing down at the sea, recognize his unique solitary home.” Ski racing has given me a great mentality for my future because it is now time for me to start the ascent to some distant peak. I’m going to start the climb lost, confused and scared. These emotions are all part of the excitement for me because without them life would be planned, boring, and gray. The most important aspect I’ve learned thus far is to think myself invincible because to children, men and women the world is home to all possibilities.

Jorge Luis Borges, an Argentine writer, does an excellent job in portraying a vivid image of the man’s soul flight to discover reality. It seems like Borges liked to write about events that take place in the night. In the poem, The Break of day, he is trying to capture the fear, blackness, and dreams that take place when the world falls asleep. The Circular Ruins is a story rather than a poem but still revolves around a man’s dream and in fact that the man is a dream within a dream. The connection between the Circular Ruins and Wallace Steven’s poem, The Poem That Took the Place of a Mountain, can be determined in greater detail. They both provide the reader with an adventure as well as a description of a man’s struggle to find his self. With my childhood dreams dashed I too am struggling, and ride myself of the nightmares of lost identities. The mountain once again in these readings is being used as a symbol of obtaining a goal and reaching a peak of accomplishment. Stevens described the summit as a place to relax and just feel at home. In a way this place of solitude is more than a dream than reality. The same as how skiing was captivating me in every moment of my existence causing me to ignore the fact that at one point I needed to come back down to earth and grow up. Borges wrote that, a “man’s victory, and peace, were dulled by the wearisome sameness of his days.” I think that you can compare this thought to the whole reason behind Steven’s poem. Stevens wrote The Poem That Took the Place of a Mountain because he lived a corporate lifestyle and needed to escape the everyday routine that he was stuck in. Most people imagine and create exciting circumstances because as humans we are always evolving and in search of something better that what we are doing at the exact moment.

I admire people who put themselves in an uncomfortable position of independence and solitude with hopes of discovering their soul flight. It is terrifying for an individual to embark on a new path of existence when they have grown accustomed to a specific way of life. In the Circular Ruins Borges writes, “Gradually, the man accustomed the youth to reality. Once he ordered him to set a flag on a distant mountaintop. The next day, the flag crackled at the summit. He attempted other, similar experiments –each one more daring than the last. He saw with some bitterness that his son was ready –perhaps even impatient-to be born.” As a child we set such high goals and don’t understand the numerous smaller goals that are essential to reach the final result. We desire what we yearn for at that precise moment and have no tolerance for the time it takes in order to succeed. This is why adolescents are constantly forging new paths throughout their years. I travel back a year in time and recognize how scared I was when my whole world came crashing down around me. Skiing was all I had ever known and I had dedicated the first twenty years of my life to the sport. It took me months of tears and physical therapy to conclude that my injury was a blessing in disguise – a clean break from my past. Borges described a new start perfectly in his poem, Break of Day. He writes, “But again the world has been spared. Light roams the streets inventing dirty colors and with a certain remorse for my complicity in the day’s rebirth I ask my house to exist, amazed and icy in the white light, as one bird halts the silence and the spent night stays on in the eyes of the blind.” Now I’m starting a new chapter in my life and at times I catch my self smirking with excitement of my unknown future. Being young is about taking chances, making mistakes, and discovering who you want to be. We are all no different from one another because it is crucial as an adolescent to think you are invincible.

fairytale

Afracella

Once upon a time in a land far far away, also known as Boz Angeles, a little girl known as Afracella Smalls contemplates the difference between pop culture and real hip hop. This rap princess grew up in a whirlwind of famous music artists such as Salt N Peppa, Easy E, TuPac Shakur, and her very own big poppa, Biggie Smalls. Her life was seemingly flawless. She attended the finest schools, shopped at the most exclusive boutiques, and spent her spare time with her father’s homies at the recording studio. One dark afternoon however, an unfortunate event shattered poor Afracella’s lovely surroundings. Behind the scenes of the hip hop game a major feud had been brewing for numerous years. This rivalry finally exploded when Biggie was capped in a drive by shooting.

Afracella was left in the care of her under dressed and ill prepared stepmother, Lil Kim, who once thought the star shaped stickers on her breast were fashionable. No more snazzy Nike sneakers and afternoons of hop scotch for our leading lady, because alas she was put to work at her stepmother’s local barber shop braiding hair and shaving dollar signs onto the heads of thuggish customers. Afracella escaped her bland new existence by day dreaming of the handsome king of pop, Usher. Now Usher wasn’t just another boy from the hood. After being raised in the ghetto by a single mother with thirteen other siblings Usher proved the stereotype given to most in his situation incorrect. With his undeniable good looks, lovable charm, and irresistible dance moves Usher quickly rose to the top of the pop music scene.

As the sun rose another ordinary day in the ghetto was just beginning. Afracella opened her eyes, yawned, stretched, and finished off this routine with a deep sigh of frustration. She pulled herself from her stained mattress and reluctantly slipped into a hand-me-down Baby Phat jumper that one of her promiscuous step sisters forced her to sport. She lowered herself down the ladder from the dingy attic and rushed into the kitchen to grab some left over greens from the fridge. Seated at the table were her two revolting stepsisters who, combined with her stepmother, were quite the gold digger package. They were fixated on the VH1 special “Top 10 Hottest Singers.” Kanye West had already been listed as number three, Lil Bow Wow as number two, and the TV program annoyingly procrastinated the announcement of the winner. As Afracella closed the fridge door she wasn’t surprised to see that Usher had been crowned VH1’s sexiest artist because in her opinion he was damn fine. The unproductive sisters were eyeing the TV similar to how hungry dogs might eye a juicy steak. They both had saliva forming in the corners of their mouths and drool was starting to slowly descend down their double chins. Lil Kim strutted into the room with three blinged out tickets to a concert that evening headlined by non other than Usher himself. She handed two of the tickets to her drooling daughters and taunted Afracella with the third. Seeing Afracella’s excitement Lil Kim felt satisfied with her trick and proceeded to slip the third ticket into her shirt. With a scowl she quickly ordered her stepdaughter to watch over the barber shop while she and her girls went to watch Usher perform.

Disheartened, Afracella exited the house. She laughed to herself though, and almost felt bad for her stepfamily because she knew they would never know what it felt like to do something meaningful with their lives. She walked with a beat in her stride thanks to the funky Ipod selection pumping through her headphones. Afracella loved listening to her father’s music, but it was hard for her to be reminded of his unexpected death. She passed girls that resembled her former self - jump roping in the streets, and playing basketball on courts decorated in graffiti. Arriving at the barber shop Afracella unlocked the door and flicked the light switch hoping that the day was brewing some sort of excitement. The last few weeks had been miserably slow and the days were dragging by. As she watched the clock on the wall she slowly drifted into a daze - only to be brought back to reality when the front door bell rang. She quickly turned around and could not believe her eyes. At the desk stood and unforeseen customer. Missy Elliot, the queen of hip hop was at the front desk, and she was not looking for a perm. Missy had one main objective, and that was to get Afracella ready for Usher’s concert. She pranced toward a bewildered Afracella who had already begun to stutter. Missy placed her right index finger over Afracella’s lips in a motion to quiet her. She then began waving her platinum walking cane. Afracella watched in disbelief as a DJ appeared in the corner, and Missy began a freestyle rap that caused a black escalade to roll up out front, and transformed Afracella’s jumper into a slamming black Gucci dress. Her worn out Nikes were replaced with glass Manolos, and she was outfitted in diamonds from head to toe. Missy Elliott, obviously the most banging god mother in the world, had been sent by Biggie to make over daughter for Usher’s show. Missy’s spell, however, had some very strict stipulations. Missy made it clear to Afracella that in order to avoid a catastrophe she would have to return to the barber shop no later than two in the morning. With that said she raised her platinum cane, and Afracella was wisped away to the performance.

Once at the concert Afracella was surprised to find her name on the VIP list. She was escorted into a private section of the auditorium where she could see the sweat trickle down Usher’s face. She was instantly in love, and it took only a matter of moments before Usher noticed Afracella. He locked eyes with her and almost forgot to sing. He was enamored with her beauty. Usher knew he had to meet this mystery girl. Afracella danced and sang along for hours. She was so caught up in the moment she nearly forgot Missy’s instructions to be back by two. She looked down at her watch which read one forty-five, and made a mad dash for valet. Usher saw his lady leaving suddenly and made a rash decision to follow her. Thousands of shocked fans turned their heads and watched as Usher left amidst his last song. Afracella sprinted down the red carpet only to trip over her glass slippers. She had no time to waste, and hastily left one shoe behind. Usher was not far behind her, and when he came across the slipper there was no sign of his anonymous love. He sulked all the way back to his dressing room wondering if he would ever find her again.

Months and months went by. Usher searched from ghetto to ghetto in Boz Angeles for the perfect match to the glass Manolo. Local tabloids had printed headlines starting rumors about the slipper. Usher had five extra body guards to protect him from the flocks of girls claiming they were the owner of the shoe. None of them fit her description, or the glass slipper for that matter. Usher had given up almost all hope in his quest and decided to do a farewell concert on his last night before his European Tour began. The morning of his farewell show things went terribly wrong. Usher’s top of the line hairdresser had broken his arm in a game of street ball, and was unable to steeze out his man. Usher, was in a frantic state. He called all the local barber shops in the yellow pages. As his chauffer made his way down Main Street Usher noticed Lil Kim’s barber shop. His Mercedes came to a screeching halt and he rushed though the front door of the parlor. Afracella astonished that someone would so rudely barge in, suddenly realized that it was Usher. Neither could believe their eyes. Usher pulled the glass slipper from his man purse and Afracella slipped her foot into the Manolo. It was then that they both realized that they would live rappily every after.

finals getting to me

haha it seems like my last two posts have been writing in a specific mood of frustration..mostly because im tired....but one thing that really bothers me about college is finals...i mean you work so hard all semester to maintain good grades..and with one hour of a test all your previous hours of studying, writing, and attendance could be diminished by dropping numerous letter grades..i don't think so much should be on you performance on a final test...it should be more about the teacher noticing who gives it their all..i don't test well..especially on multiple choice...i don't feel like those kinds of testl give justice to the overall experience of the class..and what a person gains from taking the course...i prefer my english and spanish classes...because at least the student to teacher relationship is one on one...and the professor noticies individuals for their minds and potential.

frustration

It really angers me how companies mislead their customers. They have you buy the extended warranty, or phone insurance..but fail to mention all the stipulations...or their employees don't kno what the hell they are talking about...then they charge you an arm and a leg to get a broken camera, ipod, cellphone fixed and it breaks again...sometimes i feel like im telling the people at verizon how to work the phone or how the plan works..i thought employees were key in any business....and futher more when you are hiring don't you try to employee personable peope...i can't help but to get angry sometimes..mostly because im spending money to have someone screw me over...where did all the honest people go?